5. Chrome Hounds: I know that it isn’t that old of a game, but in my opinion they were onto something.  I have always been a fan of the customizable mecha fighting games.  However, where Chrome Hounds caught my attention was with its inclusion of tactical squad based combat where you fufill different roles.  Creating your own squads for you and your friends can be fun as well.  I know I always loved raining destruction on people in my heavy gunner hound standing next to the commander who spooted enemies for me, all the while knowing that even with the two soldiers and the scout hunting down the enemy in the field that I was safe with our defender keeping watch on our backs.  That’s just an example of the tactical combat allowed.  Even better is the online mode allows you to play other people in squad based combat but also effecting the outcome of a war online between three nations that occurs over a month and then resets at the next month.  More hound roles, more nations and expanded gameplay is good enough for a sequel to me…

4. The Shenmue Franchise: I loved the storytelling of these games, it was fantastic how you experienced everything on Ryu’s quest to avenge the murder of his father.  The second game left a lot to be explored in the plot and I know many a fanboy who is still disappointed by the game being incomplete.

3.Crackdown: I know there are still rumors flying around that this game may still receive the sequel treatment but I want to express it anyway.  I know many people bought this game at first for the inclusion of the Halo 3 multiplayer beta with it, that being said I think many people were very pleasantly surprised with the game inside.  While short on plot, there’s something just great about throwing cars at people 100 yards away.  I hope this sequal sees the light of day someday cuz I know I would buy it in a heartbeat.

2. Super Smash Brothers Melee: This is where some of you esteemed readers may become a little confused.  I know that Brawl exists, I however do not think it has anything to do with the smash brother’s franchise.  Too many characters were changed in ways that turned off many of the devoted followers of Melee.  That being said brawl is a much slower game then Melee, however, this is not a critique of brawl so we’ll speak as if it doesn’t exist.  Whoever first came up with the idea to pit all of Nintendo’s superstars against each other is a true genius.  It worked in the first game and again in Melee.  A few more characters could be included but even then I don’t think the gameplay should be messed with much, just an update to the newest generation of systems.

1. Jet Set Radio Future: I have always been such a huge fan of this game.  Nothing to do with my usual tendencies but more to do with up until that point I had never played anything like JSRF.  I walked into it expecting a skating game like the others I had played before.  The last thing I expected was a plot and innovative gameplay that focused more around races and spraying graffiti then doing tricks.  In fact the tricks serve no more purpose than to keep you moving quickly.  The cell shaded graphics back then made it flashier and prettier than most games out at the beginning of the Xbox’s career.  Then there was the soundtrack from it which fit the weird plot of the game as well as it’s Japanese punk style perfectly.  I know rumors of Jet Set Radio Next have been around for years but I hold little hope at this point..

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5. Day of the Tentacle: The toilets are actually called Chrono-johns and are used to transport characters and items need to thwart the threat of the Purple Tentacle. All we need now is Doc Brown in his garbage powered delorean.

4. The Sims Series: Available in a number of tasteful styles, the commode plays a serious part in the survival of your sims, or the annoyance of your sim’s spouse who has to clean up the mess after a blockage when you fell asleep eating pizza on the front porch. So much like real life, it’s eery.

3. Hitman Franchise: In true Hollywood fashion, the shiny domed genetically engineered assassin shows his true prowess by following conveniently full bladdered Workers, Security Guards, Mafiosos and Henchmen into the mens bathroom and incapacitating them to acquire their uniforms as disguises and dragging their unconscious or dead bodies in the nearest cubicle and leaving their heads soaking in the bowl. If that’s not a distinguishable M.O. I don’t know what is.

2. Duke Nukem 3D: The star of the 90s classic as well as the missing but presumed dead title in eternal development, Duke Nukem Forever, has lots of witty one liners, but none are as thorough or to the point as when you stop the bathroom of a strip club and relieve yourself. Classy.

1. Half Life 2: Despite all the intellect and engineering abilities of Gordon Freeman, nothing seems to amuse this Scientist Superhero than to use the Zero-Point Energy Field Manipulator with a snazzy kohl’s bowl and turn it into a potty launcher to slay Combine soldiers with a well placed ‘Head’ shot.

There you the top five toilets to play with when you’re not playing videogames on the john.

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In case you haven’t seen, the warning label would read:

WARNING: Excessive exposure to violent video games and other violent media has been linked to aggressive behavior.

Considering there has actually been no casual link found between video games and violent behavior in teens (the U.S. Department of Justice found that since 1993, the year that Doom was released, violence in juveniles has actually gone down 77%), it’s fairly obvious that Congressional members still have no understanding of this form of media and nothing else to pass useless bills on.

The American Sociological Association also uses this graph to conclude that there is no direct link between the two, stating:

“If we want to understand why young people become homicidal, we need to look beyond the games they play,” Sternheimer says.

Placing the blame on video games exonerates the environment that a child lives in that might nurture violence: poverty, instability, family violence, unemployment, and mental illness, Sternheimer argues.

“It is equally likely that more aggressive people seek out violent entertainment,” Sternheimer says. “After adult rampage shootings in the workplace, which happen more often than school shootings, reporters seldom mention if the shooters played video games.”

Like most First Amendment violating bills pertaining to video games that are attempting to be passed, I’m guessing this one will not make it through. Hopefully with a President leading the way that seemingly both understands and is not afraid of video games, these outrageous bills will soon be a thing of the past and parents, not the government, will be responsible for what media their children consume.

Sources: Bureau of Justice Statistics, American Sociological Association

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Patapon (PSP):
This rhythm based game was one that came out of left field. It is very simplistic in the fact that you make a little army and give them orders through drum beat combinations, but still very deep because of the customization available. It also contained a lot of strategy such as changing the wind so that your archers shoot better and enemy archers can’t shoot back. The different units all had very unique uses that allowed for really interesting combinations of troops for battle. It is also a great game for those who like to customize their units as it lets you use items you find from fallen enemies. The art style used is also very interesting and adds to the enjoyment of leading an army of eyeballs to battle. All this for the $20 price tag is definitely a steal.

No More Heroes (Wii):

This game made the mistake of coming out right around the time Super Smash Bros Brawl came out, so not many people paid attention to it. You play as Travis Touchdown, a wrestling anime fan boy who wins a ‘beam’ saber on ‘ebay’ and decides to become the number one rated assassin. A lot of people dismissed this game due to its simplistic hack-and-slash action and strange side missions that where pretty much just doing chores to earn money. However this was one of the best aspects of the game. The game was kind of a satire of other games, movies, and anime and served to show what someone in real life would probably do to get money. The missions were pretty hilarious and as you go on, the boss fights are entertaining and just plain strange. This game is definitely worth a pickup.

Castle Crashers (360):

This game is an Xbox Live Arcade game that really delivered. Made by the creators of Alien Hominid, it is a crazy beat-em-up that up to 4 players can participate in. You play as a knight that is given the task of saving the four princesses that were kidnapped by an evil wizard. Your characters will level up and you can choose where to allocate the points to make yourself magic, ranged, melee or defense oriented. This game is insane, hilarious and overall enjoyable. Whether it be fighting the giant Cat-Fish, or smacking around some aliens, this game gives countless hours of entertainment.This is a great game to play with your friends and is full of cartoonish chaos and mischief. Best part is it only costs about $15.

With 2009 here, definitely check out the upcoming releases and read up on them– you might find that lesser known titles such as Madworld or Brütal Legend will be right up your ally. You don’t want to miss another Psychonauts or Beyond Good and Evil.

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